Here’s a new tactic on picking up women. Dieting… It’s not working at all.
Have you ever seen an ex and known well and good that they were the worst person in the world for you but you couldn’t help thinking ” Just one more night.”?
Have you ever flirted with a person you would never have a chance with just because it was easier?
Have you ever wished that life was really like a movie?
Have you ever ganged wieght and thought “Well I’ve been a lot heavier?
Have you ever been SO single that ever one you know seems to think they can hook you up with ANYONE?
I have reached the lowest of the lows. I for some reason went on a internet dating website. You know? Whatever it was a free trail. As a ran through the stupid superfical questions: Do you exercise? WHat sports do you like? Oh and don’t for get my favorite question. What’s your body type? Can anyone ever really diffine someones body in 4 different catigories? Average. Slim. Athletic. Got a few extra pounds. WTF! I chose wisely and didn’t put a photo on it. After looking at who was on there I sat there staring at the computer yelling at myself saying “what and the hell was I thinking!!!!!!” It’s all bad. Very bad. ugly bad.
So I’m home in Ohio for a couple days the visit friends and family. It’s nice and quite. It’s a nice little break from the city. Yesturday I went out to lunch with a family friend who has known me since I was baby. She’s like my second mom. As we were catching up and enjoying one another. BAM! I out of no where start checking her out.” I really like her hair long, she looks great” “Wow she’s got a killer body for her age” WHAT? She’s 48, Married with two sons and probably thinks of me as her daughter. AHHHHHHHHH! Help please? I need to go out and makeout with alot of girls that are my age or just easy!!!! This has gone to far.
I’m joining you tonight to share with however wants to listen how awkward and unconfortable I get when it comes to girls, dating, sex and, relationships. I will take you through a journy of actual events. I plan to share my most embarssing moments starting from way back when to persent. Here’s a top ten list to get the ball rolling.
10- The first boyfriend I had I had to ask him if i could kiss him… He broke up with me the next day.
9- The first kiss I had that wasn’t one of my cousins was on the swings in elementry school. 10 minutes later my Mom (Who was a teacher at the school) found out about it and out put him on the wall for the rest of the recess (I think it was because he was black)
8 - I use to dry hump my cabage patch dolls and kiss then like they were my lovers
7-I actually thought my BF’s boner was the remote controll in his pocket.
6- The first time I stuck my hands down a girls pants she had a pad on and didn’t tell me.
5- My first girlfriend had french tipped acrylic nails. One time when we had sex we both got really into it and…she cut me…on the inside. We never had sex again.
4- I once had a GF who could only get turned on if we talked about me being pregent or roll playing that we had just put our three kids to bed.
3- one time I had sex with a girl. Once the clothes were off…everything STOPPED!
2- One time I dated straight girl who told me her sexuallity was like a circle…She’s still straight and still believes it.
1- I always wanted a life size barbie so she could my love slave.
Well there you have it folks a little peice of me E.N. the So-Neurotically can’t help but scare girls away by my intense awkwardness.
So-Neurotically siging OUT.
